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Well recently I got this feeling that the whole world had changed.
When something goes up, another will go down.
Well, we cant have the best of everything can't we?

Not talking about my family life, in fact, my family life is great.
Nothing special, just a normal family.

But there is another problem bothering me.
School life.
Is not that I'm stressed up with studies or anything.
I CAN cope with it.
I CAN achieve As. (not)
That's not the main problem, no.

It's not the teachers, their fine.
It's not the si botak, his head is shinny enough (principle)
It's not the school canteen, tho they poison once, still ok.
It's not the facilities that my school lack of.
It's not the super mini library.
It's not this not that.


Is that I'm lonely.


After 3 years of SMKTM, whyyy during form 3?
Oh sweet memories comes back when I think back on form 1.
yes, it was Emily, Ji Ying, Sher Lee, Hui Min. etc etc.
Form 2, I had Rui, Nini and gang.
Great memories.
Time sure pass fast.
It's PMR year, all things falls down.


The loneliness I'm having, is not that I have no friends, where got so Cham..
As in, I'm losing them.
Most of them, either end up with their partner, or some just avoids you without a reason.
I'm not complaining about you guys or anything,
But I really can't take it walking down ALONE during recess.
I hate the feeling of being alone,
I fear it tho, monophobia.
I'm not talking bad or anything. But I don't know,
If you all DO noticed that I'm being down.
Everyday, I'm being ignored all the time, being left out, pushed to a corner, pretending, dumped.

I pretend to sleep in class,
I complain that I'm sleepy, sick.
I say that I would want to go to the Komprasi, Teman me?
Pretending all these EVERYDAY,
IM SICK OF IT.
Doing all over and over again.
HOW I HATE SCHOOL SO MUCH.
Because of this small matter.
stupid me.


I did told Yee Chien before that I can't wait to change school.
I can't getting out from this hell hole.
Yea sure, you guys would all say:
"don't lah change school! stay till SPM"
By the time SPM's over, you guys can attend my funeral.
cause I've already committed suicide.
Asking me to stay back, but why bother for me!?
everyday is the same! Walking up, down, left right, in out alone.
everyday is the same, pretending pretending pretending.
everyday is like hell.
How I complain to keiffer every night, telling him
"Bee, I don't want to go to school"
He keep on pushing me forward to attend, so I can continue.
BUT WHAT CAN I DO?
Die of Monophobia/Autophobia!?


I don't know, but school is hell.
I even bet some of you don't bother reading this at all.


xoxo,
bell